Switch Glitch
by Alcyone23
Summary: After a night out drinking with friends, hilarity ensues. Kakashi/Iruka


**Author's Notes**: Written for the kakairu_fest on LJ. It was supposed to be short. I_ tried_ to make it short. I really did. And then...it grew.

* * *

**Switch Glitch**  
_Alcyone23_

* * *

_Saturday_

Kakashi woke up to Anko slapping his face and pinching his cheeks. The feeling of skin on skin warned him that something was wrong. He seized Anko's thin wrist and ran his hand over his face. His face was shorter than he remembered with more rounded lines. There was a scar across his nose that he didn't remember and he did not have Obito's Sharingan.

This last discovery made him stumble to a sitting position.

"Iruka...!" Anko shoved him. "If I wasn't in pain, I'd throw you a party for your first night of drunken debauchery."

"I'm not Iruka," Kakashi managed to reply around the too dry feeling in his throat.

Anko blinked at him.

"Uh-huh…" She squinted at him. "I may have drunk enough to dream of Genma in a thong, but I _know_ you're Iruka."

"You dream of Genma in a thong?"

"No. Sometimes it's Izumo. Once Ibiki. And Kakashi really does have one fine white ass."

Kakashi arched an eyebrow at her. She swayed slightly, hands rising to block the sun from her face. It was then that he saw his own body sit up. The stunned look of horror registered on the masked face was an exact copy of Kakashi's feelings.

"What the hell?!" his body screeched. Kakashi tried to stand, but the world swayed around him and he fell. Yamato, still dazed, glanced from Kakashi to Kakashi's body.

"Huh?"

"Kakashi, don't scream!" Anko snapped, clapping her hands over her ears. "Nngh! I hurt everywhere!"

"What are you talking about?" Honest confusion marred the voice. "I'm Iruka."

"And I'm Kurenai," Anko replied smartly.

"Anko," Kakashi said slowly, a horrible conclusion arising, "_I'm_ Kakashi."

Anko and Yamato stared. His body gaped. Gai groaned.

"Ugh. Youth hurts," he declared and Kakashi did a double take at the vacant area left by a missing tooth. Squinting, Gai glanced at the silent quartet. He turned to Kakashi. "Rival, have I missed something?"

"How do you know that's Kakashi?" Yamato asked carefully.

"Because he is." Gai blinked.

The silence stretched on.

"You're serious?" Anko glanced from Kakashi to Iruka and back. "Ah, ha, ha, h—OW! Ohh, my _head_!"

*

If Kakashi had not known Tsunade to be a serious, respectable woman, he would have sworn she was laughing at him.

"Let me see if I understand this." She splayed her fingers. "You five woke up this morning on the top of the Hokage Monument with no memory of how you got there."

"And the mother of all hangovers," muttered an extremely pale Anko whose bangs were half burned off.

"It _is_ a symbol of youth," replied Gai, but there was none of his usual sparkle and enthusiasm. When he spoke, the dark gap left by a missing canine tooth was clearly visible.

Noticing Tsunade's pursed lips, Yamato subtly elbowed his companions. Anko, unsteady, stumbled into a patch of light. She cried out in pain, eyes snapping shut. Blindly, she threw a punch at Yamato. The ANBU member had ducked away and the already large tear in his crotch widened. Anko's blow caught Kakashi on his shoulder.

Or, rather, Kakashi amended, it caught him on _Iruka's_ shoulder.

"Hmm." Tsunade's eyes ran over the five of them. There was a suspicious twitch to her lips. As her gaze fell on the only two who had not moved since they first trooped in, she hid her mouth behind her interlaced fingers. "And when you two woke up, you realized you were in the wrong bodies?"

Kakashi and Iruka were silent. Iruka-who-was-not-Iruka's hands were in his pockets, shoulders slightly hunched. His eyes lazed. Kakashi-who-was-not-Kakashi rocked back and forth, exuding a nervous energy. He kept picking at his mask.

Kakashi figured the answer was obvious enough without the need for verbal assent. Yamato felt differently.

"Apparently, Godaime-sama," he said with a sideways glance to Kakashi. The no longer masked man sighed.

Tsunade rubbed her temples, exhaling audibly. "I'm getting too old for this," Kakashi heard her mutter. Louder, she continued, "First thing we need to learn is what happened last night. Hung-over, you're of no use. Go home; sleep. I'll send for you later."

"Yes, Godaime-sama," the shinobi assembled chorused with varying degrees of relief.

Once they were gone, Tsunade waved Shizune over. "If it's not Naruto, it's Naruto's sensei." She rolled her eyes. "I need sake."

"Sake is what got them into this problem, Tsunade-sama," Shizune reminded her.

"I don't drink to unconsciousness."

Shizune shot her a pointed look.

"...Usually," Tsunade amended. She groaned. "And here I thought I was free of these messes after I passed down the damn hat."

*

Iruka was worried. He felt he had every right to be worried too. Anxious, nervous, terrified. They all applied.

After all, it was quite one thing to find yourself in a strange body, staring at your own body across the Yondaime's stone head. It was quite another to find yourself in your _Hokage's_ body, staring at _your_ body across a former Hokage's head.

And he was truly concerned considering that he could not walk down the street to his apartment without being accosted by what felt like the entire village of Konoha.

"Ah, Hokage-sama, I was wondering if you had yet taken a look at that mission report I gave you."

"Hokage-sama, I need a meeting with you to discuss that matter I told you about three days ago."

"Hokage-sama, shouldn't you be working?"

"Hokage-sama, they're waiting for you at the Missions Room!"

"Hokage-sama!"

Just when Iruka was about to start tugging at his hair (until he remembered it wasn't _his_ hair and Kakashi would probably want it back intact), he felt an arm squeeze his shoulder.

Kakashi grinned at him.

Iruka was going to be sick. Or faint. Considering the options, he much preferred being sick. Less undignified.

"Just smile and nod," Kakashi suggested. "And keep walking."

"Don't you have things to do?" Iruka tried to relax his posture, but his muscles remained tensed.

Kakashi shrugged. "I'm hung-over. I deserve a break."

He certainly wasn't hung-over, Iruka was sure. The schoolteacher had not drunk that much last night. Certainly not the amounts Kakashi seemed to have imbibed from the pounding head Iruka was now subjected to.

"Gai and I had a competition to see who could drink more." Kakashi seemed to predict the turn Iruka's thoughts had taken. "At least, I think we did. Hmm, I can't remember who won."

"As Hokage, aren't you supposed to be setting the example?" Iruka massaged his temples.

"As one of the Academy's teachers, shouldn't you?" Kakashi responded in kind.

Iruka had no idea how to reply so he kept his mouth shut and nursed his headache. As they walked, Iruka observed Kakashi. He walked with a casual gait Iruka envied. He doubted he had ever looked so unruffled. Iruka was tempted to poke him; that calm, almost bored look on the darker face was too strange.

Then Iruka realized he was staring at _himself_ and there was nothing close to a mirror nearby. He dropped his face into his hands and groaned.

"We're almost there," Kakashi tried to comfort him. "Which is your apartment?"

"Second floor, third door," Iruka muttered without raising his gaze. He heard the jiggling of keys and looked up long enough to see his face grinning at him, eyes squinting shut. He immediately pushed past Kakashi to collapse in his room.

He dropped into his bed, burying his head under the pillow. Maybe this was a nightmare. Maybe he was asleep and he would wake up later and Gai would have his full set of teeth, Anko's hair would be untouched, Yamato would not be flashing key pieces of his anatomy depending on how he stood and he and Kakashi would be in their proper bodies. Yes, that sounded good.

Iruka closed his eyes and hoped for a miracle.

"_Iruka-sensei_!"

Iruka cursed singling out Naruto. The orange eyesore had shoved the window open and was still babbling about something when Iruka took the pillow off his head.

"—and Hinata won't let me see her wedding dress. Sakura punched me through a window when I tried to peek in at the store and Sasuke's being an ass and won't—Kakashi-sensei? What are you doing in Iruka-sensei's room? Where's Iruka-sensei? Kakashi-sensei, w_hat did you do with Iruka-sensei_?"

The headache doubled.

Massaging his temples, Iruka struggled to a sitting position. "Naruto," he began calmly, "this may seem a little difficult to believe, but I _am_ Iruka."

Naruto angled his head to the side. "Huh?"

"Kakashi-sama and I seem to have traded bodies."

There was a pregnant pause.

"I don't believe it."

"That makes two of us," Iruka muttered under his breath.

"Maa, what's going on?" The door to the bedroom opened, revealing a smiling Kakashi holding a cup of tea. "Naruto, don't annoy, Iruka. Here, this should help the hangover."

Iruka gratefully accepted the cup while Naruto stared.

"Kakashi-sensei?" he asked carefully, staring at the Chuunin. A crinkly-eyed smile greeted him.

"Iruka-sensei is in Kakashi-sensei's body. And Kakashi-sensei is in Iruka-sensei's body." Naruto sank into a chair, blue eyes startlingly wide. "I don't fucking believe this."

*

Tsunade bit the nail of her index finger lightly. Interlacing her fingers, she glanced over Iruka and Kakashi. Kakashi and Iruka. Iruka-in-Kakashi's-body and Kakashi-in-Iruka's-body. Oh, dear God.

"There's not enough sake in the world." She hid her eyes against the base of her palms.

"So, Tsunade-sama," Iruka began nervously, "what's the prognosis?"

"Your bodies are healthy," she said. "There's little worry there. I did find some residual inflammation to the chakra vessels in your brain, not unlike the effects of a Yamanaka clan jutsu."

"You believe a Yamanaka clan member could have done this to us?" Kakashi frowned slightly.

"Perhaps not purposefully. After all, you were out 'enjoying the springtime of youth,' correct?" Tsunade arched an eyebrow at them. In the background, Gai coughed. "He or she could have been just as drunk as you. Or, in your inebriated state, one of you may have attempted a similar jutsu and botched it.

"I took the liberty of contacting Yamanaka Inoichi. I will pass on the results from these physical exams to him. If necessary, I may call you in later for him to examine you himself. I…will resume Hokage duties until this can be fixed." Her left eye twitched as she pronounced the last sentence. It sounded like a curse.

"But you can fix this, right, baa-chan?" Naruto suddenly butted in. "Like, before this week is up?"

Tsunade trained her amber gaze on the youngest person in the room. "I don't know, Naruto."

"B-b-but, it's my wedding!" he cried out. "They're standing in for my parents! They can't miss my _wedding_!"

"I know what it means to you, Naruto," Tsunade mollified. "But you have to take into consideration that Kakashi is Hokage and has many enemies. In this state, enemies may think him weak and try to attack. They would also target Iruka."

"I know that!" Naruto groused. "But it's my _wedding_."

Iruka was about to step over and set his arm around the younger man when Kakashi nudged the younger man.

"We'll be there." Kakashi ruffled the yellow hair. "What kind of sensei would I be if I didn't attend my student's wedding?"

"Really?" Naruto enthused. Kakashi nodded.

Naruto relaxed, a wide grin spreading across his face. Iruka squeezed Naruto's shoulder and smiled.

"This is so BEAUTIFUL!" Gai suddenly crushed the three of them in a group hug. "LOVE! The ETERNAL SPRINGTIME of YOUTH!"

He sobbed into Kakashi's shoulder.

Yamato stared. Anko rolled her eyes. Shizune bit her lower lip to keep from laughing.

"If you're finished," Tsunade said kindly, but there was a tic in her left cheek, "I'd like to finish explaining your situation." She waited until she was sure she had everyone's attention before continuing. "I think it'd be best to keep you both under the same roof until your situation can be reversed. As such, you'll both be staying in Kakashi's apartment until further notice."

"AHH!" Anko suddenly doubled over laughing. "Kakashi...Iruka...roommates!" she managed to gasp between guffaws. She hobbled to a wall, still laughing hysterically. Briefly regaining control, she winked at Iruka. "Anyone want to bet on how long it will take one to jump the other?"

Iruka-in-Kakashi's-body promptly chased her around the room.

*

Kakashi remembered the laughing yellow-haired man that constantly pushed him to play with other children. Most of those occasions ended up as failures: Kakashi would be bored out of his mind or the other child would run away in tears. Kakashi remembered Iruka as he had been the only one to stand up to him—and then made the mistake of pulling a prank on him. Kakashi had tried one of his sensei's jutsu, one Minato had proclaimed as Konoha's Ancient Taijutsu Technique. The result had been pleasing enough for Kakashi to declare they were even and even Iruka had laughed—after rubbing his ass and glaring bloody murder at the smirking gray-haired child.

They had not crossed paths again until Kakashi was assigned Team 7 and Iruka berated him for signing them up for the Chuunin Exam. Next time they saw each other was during the first part of the exam. Kakashi was trying to convince Gai to climb off the roof where he was desperately trying to peek in through the windows to see how his students were doing. Both blinked at the brown-haired Academy teacher barely clinging to the wooden slats and biting his nails for Naruto's sake.

Kakashi finally got them off the roof by promising Iruka to let him know immediately about anything that happened to Naruto and tricking Gai by telling him that Kakashi could reach the Eastern Gate faster than him. After seeing Gai run off, Kakashi casually took out his _Icha Icha_ and joined Asuma and Kurenai while they waited for the first part of the test to end.

After that, he had only crossed paths with Iruka every once in a while, most of the time because of something Naruto had done. He had stumbled into Iruka the night before and they had started talking about Naruto's upcoming wedding. He remembered walking into a bar where they had found Yamato and Gai. At that point, his memory grew fuzzy. He knew Anko had joined them at some point and he and Gai had somehow ended up in a drinking competition that he was sure he had won. He thought. And then there was nothing until early in the morning when he woke up to Anko slapping his face.

Now, he was pushing the door open to his apartment, allowing Iruka to cross the threshold first. They hadn't managed to do much else with Tsunade. Anko would not stop laughing, which eventually triggered Naruto's hysterics. Tsunade had thrown the lamp on her desk at them, punching a hole through the wall and clocking an intern delivering some papers on the other side. Tsunade had been the first to flee. The others had followed behind her, leaving Shizune alone in the office.

Kakashi shook his head, remembering Shizune's look of horror and betrayal when she was left to deal with the consequences. Well, she must already be used to it. When Kakashi closed the door, Iruka jumped.

"It's already late," said Kakashi. "Why don't we sleep and talk about this tomorrow?"

Iruka visibly relaxed. He nodded.

Brushing past him, Kakashi called over his shoulder, "I'll show you to your room then."

He opened the door to his guest room and belatedly remembered that it wasn't suitable for human habitation.

Iruka gaped at the mountains of boxes stacked to the ceiling. Books lined every available surface. Strange objects cast frightening shadows. There looked to be an infestation of something purple in the far corner. The bed wasn't visible under a quagmire of rusty shuriken, stray kunai, more books, torn pages and what looked like dog treats.

"On second thought," Kakashi smiled apologetically, "why don't you take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

Iruka nodded dumbly.

*

Iruka leaned against the door of the bedroom. His chest rose and fell heavily as if he had run a marathon. Blindly, he stumbled to the bed and fell into it like a dying man. Kakashi's scent assaulted him.

This was not supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to wake up in a body that wasn't yours, much less the body of the very fit, very hot and man with "an ass I wouldn't mind tapping" according to Anko.

Much less were you supposed to catch a glimpse of the body-that-wasn't-yours in a fogging mirror and…react.

Iruka had dived back into the shower, setting the cold water at maximum force.

When he came out again, he toweled himself off as quickly as possible. He never turned to the mirror. When he realized he had not taken off the mask, a hysterical bubble of laughter had assaulted Iruka. He had been so distracted he did not see the small puddle of the water on the tiles and slipped. He landed, legs splayed, in front of the damn mirror.

A third shower had proven necessary.

Iruka adamantly refused to jerk off in another man's body while said man occupied _his_ body less than two doors away. It was just…_wrong_.

But _why_ did he have to switch with Kakashi? Why not Yamato? Or Gai? Even Anko…on second thought, maybe not Anko. Iruka shuddered to imagine what the wild kunoichi would do in his body.

But Kakashi? Naruto's sensei, his Hokage, the man who could get under his skin with a single look? It just wasn't _fair_.

And not even in _bed_ could he get away!

In bed…

_Kill this train of thought_.

Hmm, muscles…

_Dead_.

Giving up on the bed, he debated other possible sleeping places. Grabbing a pillow, he curled up on the most comfortable patch of floor he could find.

When he buried his face in the pillow, all he could smell was Kakashi.

"NNGH!"

*

_Sunday_

Iruka awoke to the smell of something frying. After pulling on some clean clothes and a quick stop in the bathroom, he searched for the kitchen. He passed by a couple of closed doors and the Spartan living room.

There were two plates on the table, each piled high with food. That wasn't what caught Iruka's eye, however.

Kakashi was drinking milk. _Right out of the carton_.

"What are you doing?!" Iruka fairly screeched.

Kakashi lowered the carton. His unconcerned features clearly spelled, _what?_

"Don't you have cups?"

Kakashi's gaze flickered from the milk carton in his hand to Iruka's eyes bugging out. "Yes."

"Don't you use them?"

"There was only a little left." Kakashi again raised the carton, capturing the last drops on his tongue. "There's a fresh one in the fridge."

"That's not the point!" Iruka exploded. "You drink from cups. _Cups_!"

Kakashi blinked. "But there was only a little left…"

Controlling the urge to yell (really, teaching at the Academy had destroyed his manners), Iruka sat stiffly in a chair and tried to eat.

"It'd be easier if you pulled down the mask." Kakashi smirked as Iruka forgot the ever-present mask was…present. Ignoring the snickers, Iruka pulled down the mask and resumed eating.

Kakashi pulled the other carton of milk. Briefly, he debated grabbing a cup.

Meh. Old habits die hard.

Iruka's left eye twitched as Kakashi popped the carton open and drank from it.

*

After finishing breakfast, both men stood poised to attack the guest room.

"Are you sure there's nothing in there that can eat us?" Iruka craned his neck around the side of the door.

"I'm sure," Kakashi drawled. "Shall we?"

Iruka swallowed. As if marching to his death, he stepped inside the room.

The once clean hall became the target for over-filled boxes and strange paraphernalia. Old clothing flew out of the room: pants with holes, shirts reduced to ribbons and what looked like a leopard-print thong. Abhorred yells followed, accompanied by teasing. Bangs and crashes shook the house as more boxes were tossed out. Yellowing books flapped after them with titles varying from _Shuriken for Fools_ to _365! One position for every day of the year!_

Just as everything quieted down, a feminine scream of terror obliterated the silence. Iruka ran out, almost tripping on the boxes. He was covered in a fine gray layer of dust and half of the broom he held in his hand was missing.

"Come now, Iruka-sensei." There was a suspicious twitch to the corners of Kakashi's lips. "It's just Bull."

A massive dog exited behind him. It settled on the ground, happily chewing on the other half of the broomstick.

"You keep your dogs here?" Iruka was almost climbing the walls. That dog had almost taken his arm.

"Just Bull. He head some stomach problems so I've been nursing him." Kneeling by the massive dog, Kakashi scratched the back of its ears. Its tail thumped the ground happily.

"So there are no other animals hiding in a corner?"

"No. ...Well, I think Sasuke might have tried to sneak a snake in here. I'm not sure."

"A...snake?" Iruka repeated delicately.

"Hmm. Sasuke's not too happy with me. I wonder why it was..." Kakashi trailed off. He shrugged. "Keep an eye out. If there is one in here, it might go after you since, well, you know."

Iruka's grip tightened around the broomstick. Smiling, Kakashi draped his arm around Iruka. "But don't worry. I wouldn't let it hurt you."

The schoolteacher suddenly flushed scarlet. He hurried away, muttering incoherencies under his breath. Kakashi and Bull blinked.

"That was interesting," Kakashi observed. Bull growled in agreement.

The guest room was promptly locked when Iruka decided he would be much happier on the couch. Elevated on books and surrounded by booby traps that would trip at the first sign of anything slithering across the floor.

*

_Monday_

"IRUKA! OPEN THE DOOR!"

Kakashi grinned around the scarf he'd wound around the lower half of his face. "You're loved."

Iruka grimaced at him as he walked to the door. He briefly debated the pros and cons of opening the door.

"IRUKA, I KNOW YOU'RE THERE! YOU'RE LEAKING KAKASHI'S CHAKRA ALL OVER THE PLACE! OPEN THE DOOR OR I'LL YELL WHAT YOU WERE DOING TWO WEEKS AGO AT—"

"Anko!" Iruka slammed open the door. "Come in, make yourself at home!"

Anko smirked. She patted his cheek as she passed by him. "Good boy, Iruka. Good boy."

Behind her, Yamato stifled a grin and Gai beamed.

"Good morning, MY FRIENDS!"

"Not so loud, Gai," Kakashi called from the kitchen.

"Ah, my rival!" Gai pointed at him. "It is my turn to choose an event! Don't think I will take it easy on you because you have a strange body! A good shinobi should be ready to fight no matter whose body they find themselves in!"

"Huh?" Kakashi glanced up from his plate blankly. "Did you say something?"

Gai turned away. "Always so cool, rival!"

Yamato shook his head. Anko sniggered.

"Why are you here?" Iruka asked Anko.

"Oh, that's right!" she said. "I met up with these two dimwits earlier—"

"Dimwits?" Yamato crossed his arms.

"—and we decided to try to retrace our steps from Friday night to see if we could figure out what happened!"

"And whose idea was that—ow!" Anko stomped violently on Yamato's foot. While he hopped on one foot, the kunoichi grinned dazzlingly at the others.

"Any other protests?"

Three shaking heads answered her.

"Then let's go!"

*

"Where do we go first?" asked Gai.

The five of them were standing in the middle of the main road. Anko had forced Iruka into a cloak in order to avoid being hounded by people seeking something from the Hokage.

"Do we have any clue about where we went?" inquired Kakashi as he whipped out an orange novel. Iruka immediately hissed at him to put it away.

"I cannot be seen walking around with that!" He panicked. Kakashi glanced at him over the edge.

"You worry too much about what others think." Kakashi flipped a page.

"I found a business card in my pocket, senpai." Yamato interrupted as he fished it out. "Some place called Eternity. There's an address here."

"I remember a karaoke bar." Iruka struggled to remember the name. "It had a purple karaoke."

"The Dancing Panda," Anko supplied the name. "I dimly remember being there too."

"My rival and I had a drinking contest," Gai said slowly, brows furrowed in concentration. "And I won!"

Kakashi did not bother contradicting him.

"So the Dancing Panda is where we got raving drunk," Yamato translated.

"Which means we were there before going to Eternity. Shall we head there first, then?" Kakashi glanced at the others.

Variants of "Sure, why not," greeted him.

As the Dancing Panda came alive at night, the locale was closed when they approached it.

"I know the owner," said Anko. "He lives above the bar."

She pushed open the gate and walked to the back of the building where a set of stairs climbed upward. She quickly followed them, her companions walking behind her. She hammered on the door gleefully.

They heard the sound of a deadbolt being pulled back and the door opened a fraction, revealing a brown eye. The man seemed to recognize them as he gasped and promptly tried to slam the door shut.

Anko kicked the door open before he could, sending him reeling backward.

"Isn't it enough that you destroyed my bar?" The man shrieked. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

'What?" Anko visibly started.

Kakashi stepped forward. "Sir, we're sorry for any damage we may have caused. But we cannot remember what happened and we would appreciate if you could tell us what we did."

"I'll tell you what you did!" The man stabbed a finger at Kakashi. "You ripped my karaoke's cables when you got tangled in them and fell off the stage! You and the Hokage," he glowered at Gai, "got into a drinking competition and drank half my sake and didn't pay!" He rounded on Anko and Yamato. "You flashed my clientele and said the winner of a melee could see the rest! So then he knocked out all my clients! And then you left and that is all I know and please _never come near me again_!"

The door slammed shut.

"That was...interesting." Yamato blinked.

"Eternity, now?" asked Anko. The rest nodded.

As they turned down the smaller streets leading to Konoha's more questionable areas, Anko grinned at Yamato. "I never knew you had a crush on me."

"I don't," Yamato replied immediately.

"Then why did you attack everyone else?" Anko's eyes glinted mischievously.

"I was drunk. A cow would have been attractive."

Anko froze. Kakashi, Iruka and Gai promptly backed away.

"...You calling me a cow?"

"No, Anko, of course not!" Yamato waved his hands, chuckling nervously. "It's just that in that state I wouldn't have been able to differentiate! Anything would have been attractive!"

Anko's face darkened. "So I'm only attractive to someone drunk?"

Yamato blanched. "Uh..."

"Look, my friends!" Gai pointed. "Eternity!"

Yamato ran by them so fast, Iruka's cape flapped in the sudden wind and Kakashi coughed at the dust he kicked up. Anko glared bloody murder after him. Gai patted Anko's shoulder.

"Come now, my dear friend!" he enthused. "We are on a quest to unearth the truth! Let us not frown on such a GRAND and YOUTHFUL endeavor!"

Anko arched an eyebrow at him. She pulled free from his grasp, but her eyes glinted in amusement.

Eternity was a small, dingy store. When they walked in, Iruka almost choked on the thick sweet-smelling smoke. He could dimly see a small shrine at the end of the store.

"Hello!" Yamato called. "Anyone here?"

"Ah, welcome guests!" A tiny, wizened old woman scurried out of a side door. Her small eyes widened behind her thick glasses. "Oh, but it's you!" She laughed, revealing half-toothless gums. "I didn't expect to see you back here so soon!"

"You know us?" Kakashi asked her. She laughed again.

"But of course! Our favorite group so far. So happy! And so funny! You, my dear, are a riot!" She elbowed Kakashi in the stomach, still cackling. "Oh, it warms the heart of this old woman to see such a close-knit group of friends. So supportive. Kenji! Kenji, look who it is!"

A man just as small and old as she hobbled towards them, leaning heavily on a cane. When he smiled, the others could see he had no teeth. "Ah, welcome, welcome! What may we do for you today?"

At least they weren't slamming doors in their face. Iruka smiled. "Well, we seem to have forgotten what we did Friday night. Could you tell us?"

The couple laughed.

"Oh, but of course!" the woman enthused. "Our first double wedding!" She pointed to Yamato and Anko and Iruka and Kakashi. "You two and you two. And Green here was your witness!"

"WHAT?!" Anko, Yamato and Iruka thundered. Kakashi slammed his book shut. Gai choked.

"Yes, wonderful, isn't it?" she said. "It's really too bad you don't remember. I think we have some pictures here. Kenji, where did you put the pictures?"

"On the top shelf. Left corner." The man nodded in direction of the room he had exited from. He turned to the flabbergast group. "As we had such a good time, we'll do the ceremony again! Half off!"

Gai suddenly hauled the other four to him. "I didn't know you were in love! Why didn't you tell me?!" he wailed. "I will support you as you start your new life! LOVE! The TRUE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH! I am so HAPPY for you, MY FRIENDS!"

The old woman wiped away a tear as she nodded and smiled. The old man beamed. Anko tried to kick Gai in the shin while Iruka and Yamato struggled to get away. Kakashi just shook his head, rubbing his temples.

*

At the door to Kakashi's apartment, Anko glared at them.

"One word," she warned. "If you breathe so much as one word, I will turn you into a walking advertisement for all of Orochimaru's jutsu. Got that?!"

The four men nodded quickly.

She sighed. "Good. Yamato, we're going to talk."

_Help me_, Yamato mouthed as Anko hauled him away.

"Remember, Yamato-san!" Gai called. "A shinobi always treats a woman with respect!"

"Well, husband, shall we go inside?" Kakashi teased Iruka. The other man choked.

*

_Tuesday_

"We're running low on food," Iruka announced.

"Hmm? What makes you say that?" Kakashi raised his gaze from his ever-present novel. Iruka pushed open the fridge, revealing the blank white space.

"Ah." Kakashi hauled himself out of the chair. "Let's do this then."

"Wait." Iruka unearthed a pencil from the freezer and a piece of paper from the cutlery drawer. Two days in Kakashi's apartment and he no longer found it strange. He quickly wrote down what they needed.

"If you need anything in specific, write it down. I'll go get my coat."

Taking the similar precaution as the day before—Iruka covered completely and Kakashi with a scarf wound around his jaw—they trekked to a small grocery shop near the apartment.

Grabbing a basket, Iruka turned to Kakashi. "What's the first item on the shopping list?"

"Hmm? Oh. I left it on the table."

"You _what_?"

"It's no problem. You remember most of it, don't you?" Kakashi tried to placate him.

"And if we forget something important?"

"We return."

Iruka was beginning to understand why Tsunade-sama made Kakashi Hokage. It wasn't the skill in fighting. There simply was no arguing with that logic.

The strolled through the halls, Iruka trying to remember the contents of his list and Kakashi seemingly grabbing things at random. Seriously. A rubber duck? Iruka grabbed it and squeezed it. It quacked. Kakashi glanced back at the noise to see Iruka staring pointedly at him, holding up the yellow animal.

"For Bull," Kakashi answered. "So he has something to tear apart."

Ah, of course. Iruka tossed the toy back into the basket.

Once they had gathered all Iruka could remember, they found the shortest line at the cashiers and waited for their turn. The cashier rung up their order and Iruka fiddled in his wallet for half the money.

"Oh, dear."

"What is it?" Iruka glanced up to see Kakashi patting himself down.

"I seem to have left my wallet."

"_What_?"

"Would you mind paying this time?" Kakashi smiled apologetically. "When we return to the apartment, I'll pay you back."

Iruka sighed. "Fine." He handed the cashier the full amount and picked up two of the bags. "Kakashi, could you get the rest?"

Kakashi was gone. Iruka could feel his eye twitching.

Somehow managing to juggle all four bags, he pushed his way out of the shop—and felt his jaw drop.

Kakashi was tucking his wallet into his back pocket, his other hand holding a stick of dango.

"I thought you left your wallet behind, _Iruka-sensei_," Iruka forced through gritted teeth.

Kakashi shrugged. "I found it in my back pocket. Good thing, huh? These are great."

Iruka was going to kill him.

*

"Hi, boys!" Anko beamed.

"Shouldn't you be with your husband?" Kakashi asked. He was playing catch with Bull. In the living room. Watching the massive dog slam into walls as he dove to catch the rubber duck, Iruka understood why there were no decorations or frivolities.

"I gave him the afternoon off. Can I borrow yours?"

Iruka spluttered.

"Sure, just bring him back before it gets dark."

"Hey—!"

"Thank you!" Anko seized Iruka's wrist and it was like a vice wrapping around his arm. She hauled him along behind her despite his protestations. When they reached a nearby training ground, she let him go. She dropped to a sitting position among the roots of a tree.

"So?" She grinned. Her eyes glinted. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?" Iruka folded his legs under him. She rolled her eyes.

"About Kakashi, duh! Is he totally hot under the mask? Let me see!"

Iruka arched back, away from her snatching hands.

"Oi, calm down!"

"Oh, come on, Iruka!" she wheedled. "Just one peek!"

"No!"

"Just one!"

"How about a trade? You tell me what you decided with Yamato and I'll answer _some_ questions about Kakashi and me. But no peeks."

"Fine!" Anko crossed her arms, huffing in annoyance. "What do you want to know?"

"Are you dissolving the marriage?"

"Nope!" she said cheerily.

Iruka's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yep." She smirked.

"How did you convince him of that?" Iruka began laughing.

"Oh, you know." Anko leaned back against the tree, looking all too pleased with herself. "I told him we had to remain married for as long as it took him to pay off his debt—since _I_ was the one who paid for that hack ceremony—in dango. He refused. So then I told him I would go to Tsunade and have the marriage annulled, but that I would take half of what he owned. He refused _again_. So then I made my original offer again and he accepted."

"Just as planned, huh?" Iruka laughed harder.

"Just as planned." She winked. "There's also the matter of incriminating wedding photographs to keep him wrapped around my pinky." She wiggled said finger. As Iruka's laughs doubled, she joined in.

"Anyway, tell me," she said, regaining control, "is Kakashi hot under that mask? Does he have some sort of horrid scar? Why does he keep his face hidden?"

"I don't know." Iruka shrugged.

"Oh, come on, Iruka!" Anko complained. "Don't tease."

"I'm not teasing. I honestly don't know."

She blinked. "You _have_ bathed in his body, right?"

Iruka assented.

"And you never took a peek?" she asked disbelievingly.

"I don't take off the mask." Iruka shrugged.

"Well, what about when you brush your teeth?"

"I turn away from the mirror."

"Are you _serious_?" Anko gaped. When Iruka nodded, she shrieked. "_How_ can you not have peeked? _Kakashi_! Do you have any idea how many people would _kill_ for the chance to see his face? I don't even _know_ you!"

"Anko, you're blowing this out of proportion! Ow!" Iruka rubbed his head where Anko flicked him. "What was that for?"

"For being an idiot!"

"What—"

"So have you discussed the subject of your marriage? Or is that too sensitive a subject?" she huffed.

Iruka rolled his eyes, but knew not to take offense. He still had no idea how he and Anko had become friends, but he did not doubt that she cared for him just as much as he did her. And she was worried for him. He could read it in her tone.

"We decided the matter of our reversal is more important so we won't harass Tsunade-sama. Once Kakashi is back in office, he can annul it quickly and with as few people knowing as possible."

"And you're...okay with that?" Her eyes were focused intensely on him.

Iruka shrugged. "What did you expect me to do? Drop to my knees crying that this was like a fantasy come true?"

"No. I expected you to drop to your knees and beg him to show you carnal pleasures you couldn't even dream of. Or fuck you into next week until you could no longer walk and had to remain in bed for two weeks. At least."

"Anko!"

"That's a no? I take it that slipping a camera inside your bedroom so I could get a video would also be a no?"

"_Anko_!"

"_What_?! It was worth a try!" She sniggered at Iruka's look. "Come on, idiot. Let's get you back to your hubby before he misses you."

*

_Wednesday_

Teaching Academy age children was not something Kakashi ever imagined he would be doing. Unfortunately, Iruka had panicked the night before because the children's final exam was in a week and they needed his instruction. Iruka couldn't do it, however, because a Hyuuga boy with a need to keep his Byakugan active during class would see through the henge. So it was up to Kakashi to take Iruka's place. Kakashi, about to attack Iruka if he did not stop holding his _Icha Icha_ above the fire, agreed.

Besides, how difficult could it be teaching some twenty-odd children? After Naruto's hyperactivity and attention-deficit disorder, Sakura's obsessive crush and Sasuke's numerous complexes, Academy-age children would be a cinch.

Apparently not.

It began when he arrived late. By his calculations, however, he was early. Class began at eight and he finally breezed by the classroom at a quarter to ten. He was barely in the door, hand raised in apology and a ready excuse on his tongue when a sobbing little girl barreled into his waist.

"Iruka-sensei!" she wailed. "I thought you died! You're never late!"

"Uh..." Kakashi replied intelligently. In his defense, it was a situation he had never been exposed to. Most children were far too intimidated to come close to him. Of those that weren't, none would try to jump him. Now he had a crying little girl clinging to his thigh and the rest of the class did not look far behind.

"I didn't die." Kakashi tried to comfort her. He patted her short blue-gray hair. Tearing eyes met his.

"Why are you covering your mouth?" she sniffed.

Oh, the scarf. Kakashi scratched the side of his face, chuckling nervously. "I'm a little sick. I didn't want to contaminate my cute little students."

There. That sounded plausible. Maybe she could finally let go of his leg.

Contrary to his hope, the girl screamed a sob and clutched him tighter. "No, sensei, don't die!"

"I'm not—!" Just when he was about to bend down and detach the little crier from his leg forcefully, what seemed like the rest of the class jumped him.

"Sensei, you're dying?"

"Why are you dying, sensei?"

"Does that mean there's no test?!"

"Don't be stupid!"

"Don't die, sensei!"

"We'll be good!"

"Can I go home now?"

Under the onslaught of prepubescent children, Kakashi stumbled and fell backward. Little bodies rained on him. He felt all air escape him as five children landed on his chest. Through it all, they kept on crying.

Down the hall, doors slid open, teachers and students sticking their head out. When Kakashi looked behind him, he noticed two pairs of feet. One of the Academy teachers, Suzume, blinked at him behind her glasses. Beside her, Iruka was gaping at the chaos.

"Ah, Suzume-senpai! Hokage-sama! Good morning," Kakashi greeted them cheerfully. He fought his way to his feet, holding three children at bay. The gray-haired girl still clung to his hip.

"What's going on, Iruka-sensei?" Suzume tapped her foot at him.

Kakashi scratched the back of his neck. "Just a small misunderstanding."

"Iruka-sensei is _dying_!" the demon girl howled.

Iruka knelt beside her. "I'm not—he's not dying, Sawa! Stop crying. Your sensei is just fine! He wouldn't leave you kids."

As if flicking a switch, Sawa's sobs died. "Hokage-sama knows my name! ...How do you know my name?"

"Uh..." Iruka unknowingly mimicked Kakashi's earlier actions.

"He's the Hokage. He knows everything," Kakashi ad-libbed. Suzume, Iruka and Sawa stared at him.

"If he knows everything," a wild-looking boy with Inuzuka clan tattoos crossed his arms, "then what were we doing on Friday?"

"You and Matsuri glued a desk to the ceiling, Ryouga, and you _will_ be punished." Iruka frowned.

Ryouga jumped back. "Damn, he does know everything," he whispered audibly.

Kakashi caught Iruka's eye and grinned. To his surprise, Iruka turned away.

*

"I can't believe I forgot!" Iruka wailed. "Today's the banquet at Hyuuga Hiashi's house to celebrate the wedding!"

"We can be a little late," Kakashi called as he strolled into the kitchen.

"We're already half an hour late!" Iruka threw open the door, walking outside.

"That's nothing."

"Nothing? Wha—Just hurry up, we have to go to the Hyuuga complex." Iruka shuffled his feet.

Kakashi did not answer.

"Oi, Kakashi." Iruka stepped back inside the apartment to find Kakashi raiding the fridge.

Brandishing a half-full plastic container, Kakashi nodded to it. "This tastes great."

"What is it?" Iruka frowned in question at the red and orange lumps Kakashi was popping in his mouth.

Kakashi stopped chewing long enough to glance down at the container. "I'm not sure."

Iruka rolled his eyes. "We have to go."

"Let me finish this."

"We're already late!" Iruka stomped over to him and tried to grab the container. Kakashi held it above his head. Thankful for the first time for the switch and that he was taller, Iruka seized the container. Kakashi, however, refused to let it go. They struggled for the plastic object, the sauce inside sloshing merrily. While they circled around each other, the back of Kakashi's thighs hit the table. He instinctively shifted forward to avoid it—and froze when he felt a hard, hot and fairly pulsing length pressing into his hip.

Iruka's eyes flashed. He jumped back, turning his profile away from Kakashi. He glared at a blank patch of wall.

"Well…" Kakashi's eyes widened slightly. That was…unexpected. What were you supposed to say when you're fighting and you suddenly feel your rival's arousal?

"Don't…say…anything." The teacher was flushing crimson. The awkwardness was thick enough to cut. Seeing Iruka begin to move away, Kakashi decided to disperse the odd feeling the best way he knew how.

If the hard-on was unexpected, the kiss was downright out of the blue. The mask was wrenched away. Kakashi slanted his mouth over Iruka's as if he had something to prove; Iruka discovered he really didn't mind. Kakashi fanned his tongue over Iruka's lips. Iruka retaliated by biting Kakashi's lower lip. Kakashi's hands relaxed their grip, running over Iruka's chest. When they brushed the teacher's nipples, Iruka whined low in his throat. Kakashi seized the moment and plunged his tongue into Iruka's mouth, teasing the other's damp member.

Iruka melted and Kakashi dropped heavily on top of him. When their hips collided, Kakashi ground down and was rewarded by a gasp and moan. Smirking, he did it again. There were some bonuses to this switch. He knew what his body liked.

"Unfair…" Iruka growled and quickly turned them over, taking control of their jerky thrusts. One hand plunged down into his pants, undoing the restraints. He quickly mimicked the action with Kakashi's pants. When they touched, neither could control the long, low moan. Kakashi, however, refused to remain under Iruka and promptly rolled him over, divesting the man of his shirt. He smirked at the writhing licking one of Iruka's nipples elicited.

They continued thrusting and jerking against each other as they rolled across the floor and almost to the couch. Clothing was flung haphazardly behind them. Never did the quick grind of their hips desist. Iruka came when Kakashi bit his ear. Kakashi followed with a low keening and a hand palming him.

When they were finished, they lay gasping for breath on the cold floor. Iruka coughed, using one hand to shield his eyes from the light.

Kakashi poked his arm. A single dark eye frowned at him in question.

"Aren't we late for something?"

Iruka glared. Kakashi smiled innocently.

*

_Thursday_

Whistling, Naruto traipsed in the direction of Kakashi's apartment. Hinata smiled, his good mood contagious. Ino-chan's father had managed to figure out which jutsu was used and they were going to correct Kakashi-sama's and Iruka-sensei's situation today. As they walked, Naruto grinned at her and took her hand. He squeezed it warmly.

"One more day!" he said softly. Hinata bowed her head shyly, her smile widening. She pressed closer to him and he looped his arm around her, never letting go of her hand.

_One more day, _ she repeated. One more day and her life-long dream would come true. She could hardly believe it.

When they reached the door, Naruto pounded on it, calling out his teachers' names cheerfully. It whined open.

"Huh." Naruto blinked. "Well, ladies first." He pushed it, letting Hinata step through first. The lights were still on and Hinata wondered if they had fallen asleep suddenly the night before.

"Iruka-sensei! Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto yelled. He and Hinata walked into the living room where they found a naked Kakashi and Iruka curled on the couch.

Wait. What? Naruto and Hinata's jaws dropped.

There was a pregnant pause wherein the young couple gaped and Iruka muttered something in his sleep, pressing closer to Kakashi.

"AHHH!"

Naruto shrieked, hiding his face in Hinata's shoulder. Hinata could not wrench her eyes away.

Naruto's scream jarred the two sleeping men awake and Iruka fell off the couch—and directly onto the booby-traps he had rigged for the snake. Only quick reflexes saved him from being skewered by a line of kunai. Iruka stood against the wall, revealing that Kakashi had very little to be ashamed of. Hinata had no idea what to be more shocked about: that she was seeing Kakashi's face or that she was seeing Kakashi's—

Naruto screamed louder. Hinata blocked her view with a carefully positioned wrist.

On the couch, Kakashi yawned and rolled to a sitting position. "Hinata, could you hand me those pants next to you?"

Glancing down, she saw that there was a pair of dark blue pants on the floor next to her. Mute with shock, she picked them up and handed to them to him, keeping her gaze carefully trained on a blank stretch of wall.

While Naruto made an accurate impression of a goldfish, Kakashi calmly dressed. "I'll be at the school." He waved to Iruka. He bid his student and his student's fiancée a warm farewell and disappeared.

Naruto and Hinata stared at Iruka.

"My teachers were—they did—I don't even—were having—" Naruto swayed slightly. "I think I need to sit down."

Hinata barely managed to catch him before he passed out.

*

Although Kakashi arrived late again, the class was calm, mostly because of the Hokage's appearance the day before. He chuckled inwardly at what their reaction would be if they learned the Hokage was teaching them.

He managed to instruct them on the finer points of the bunshin jutsu and tossed a few erasers at the children who wouldn't remain still, namely Inuzuka Ryouga and Hyuuga Matsuri. He finished the class early, leading to much rejoicing among the waist-high populace. When he turned around from where he had been erasing the designs Ryouga had bedecked the blackboard with, he saw Sawa shuffling her feet.

"Did you need something, Sawa?" he asked politely. When she wasn't clinging to his leg, Sawa was a sweet girl.

"You're happy today, Iruka-sensei," she said.

Kakashi observed her carefully. "I am."

She smiled. "I'm glad. Is it because Hokage-sama was here yesterday? I know you like him."

Keeping his face as solemn as possible, Kakashi dropped to one knee in front of her. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Sawa nodded, cupping her hands around one ear.

"I think the Hokage likes me too."

*

"Sweet freedom," Kakashi heard Tsunade sing under her breath. "Oh, sweet freedom."

Yamanaka Inoichi faced Iruka and him. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yes," they chorused. Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi saw a still-dazed Naruto being supported by Hinata. A pale Yamato stood next to a grinning Anko. Gai was already whooping in celebration, screaming that he would defeat Kakashi in a competition immediately after the switch or he would do one hundred push-ups underwater.

He watched Inoichi run through a series of seals and he closed his eyes. A sudden feeling of vertigo seized him—and faded. Kakashi frowned slightly. That was anticlimactic. He opened his eyes.

One was obscured by the cloth of his forehead protector. He could feel the familiar sensation of his mask around his jaw. When he looked to the side, he saw Iruka examining himself. When the Chuunin looked, he laughed.

"It worked!"

"Good!" Anko exclaimed. "Because we still have half a night to figure out. Let's go."

"But I need to—" Iruka choked on his words at the strong look Anko shot him.

Before Kakashi could leave, he felt a hand close around his shoulder. He almost went cross-eyed keeping the finger Tsunade pointed at him in focus.

"If I ever have to fill in again, I'll kill you."

"Don't worry, Tsunade-sama." Kakashi smiled. "I'm planning on passing down the mantle."

*

"So what lead are we chasing now?" Iruka could hardly believe he was in his body again. It was like stumbling into his bed after a week away; it was like coming home.

"Gai's," Yamato answered. "Apparently, he heard we were at the hospital that night."

"Why?" Iruka wondered aloud.

"I'm sure it was nothing serious!" Gai flashed him a thumbs-up and a grin that revealed the dark space in his mouth.

The group waltzed into the hospital and Gai immediately hounded down one of the nurses. Before security could be called on them, Sakura ran down the hall.

"Kakashi-sensei! Yamato-taichou! What are you doing here? No, it's fine." She waved one of the nurses away. "Did you need something?"

"Yes. Last Friday, we were in here. Could you check the records to see why?" Yamato asked.

Sakura hid her mouth behind her hand. "I don't need the records. I treated you."

"Seriously?"

Sakura was erupting into snickers. "Yeah. You were suffering from major intoxication symptoms, Yamato-taichou. The lightest of which involved you proclaiming yourself overlord of wood. You tried to jump off the bed, but tripped on the edge and landed on the edge of the desk. You ripped your pants right through."

Anko sniggered along with Sakura. "Aw, can't handle a little alcohol, _honey_?"

If looks could kill, Anko would have died a thousand times over.

"Sakura-san!" Gai suddenly grabbed her by her upper arms. Sakura visibly blanched. "Do you happen to know what happened to my missing tooth?"

"I'm sorry." She shook her head, slowly extricating herself from Gai's grasp. "I don't know anything about that. I believe you mentioned something about calling in one of Ibiki's debts. Perhaps he knows."

*

"Ibiki's this way," Anko called over her shoulder.

A scream radiated down the hall.

"Yeah, I think I'd rather wait out here," Iruka answered nervously.

"Ugh." Anko grabbed him by his vest. "Don't be such a girl." She dragged him behind her.

"Help me," he whimpered.

Yamato waved. Gai threw him a thumbs-up and Kakashi just grinned.

Anko continued to the door where the screaming was coming from and hammered on the metal surface. The screaming doubled.

"Anko, maybe we should wait," Iruka begged. In answer, Anko pounded on the door. It swung open. Ibiki stared down at them.

Iruka gulped.

"Hi, Ibiki!" Anko greeted him cheerfully. "Were we here on Friday?"

Ibiki did not answer. Iruka tried to sink into the floor. A glance behind him revealed the other three had remained safely at the beginning of the hall. Far away from the scarred man in the overcoat.

"Yes," he finally answered. "Is that it, Anko?"

"What did we do?" When she felt Iruka try to slip away, Anko tightened her grip.

"You tried to make me pay for something that was _your_ debt. Then a drunk Maito Gai tried to make me teach him one of the jutsu we use here."

"What?" five voices chorused.

"You made a challenge: you'd pull off the Yamanaka family jutsu or you would tear out your tooth. I wasn't there, but judging from your lack of canine, you failed."

Ibiki blinked as four pairs of eyes turned to stare at Gai who grinned.

"HEAR THAT?" he bellowed. "I think that's my team! LEE! NEJI! TENTEN! YOUR SENSEI WILL BE RIGHT THERE!"

Kakashi grabbed him by the back of his green suit. "Not so fast."

*

"I can't believe it was Gai." Iruka shook his head. He collapsed on the couch.

"For a challenge, he'd do anything."

"Even tear out his own _tooth_." Iruka passed a hand in front of his face. "Unbelievable."

"Should we shun him or thank him?" asked Kakashi.

Iruka grew very still. "I...don't know. What would you do?"

"I asked you first." Kakashi's light tone belied the seriousness of the situation.

"I don't know." Iruka dropped his face into his hands. "I don't know."

Kakashi sat down beside him. "I'll admit, this wasn't how I expected this week to turn out. But I can't say I regret it."

Iruka glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Kakashi's gaze was focused ahead.

"A lot of crazy things happened. I'm not sure who to blame: Gai for screwing up a jutsu, Anko for taking us out drinking, Yamato for not stopping us or us for being Gai's guinea pigs." Iruka choked on a laugh. Kakashi smiled at him. "I think I'd thank them all."

A small smile crossed Iruka's face.

"Besides, who else dares set booby traps in my house for a nonexistent snake?"

Iruka shoved him before his lips followed the path his hands had taken.

*

_Friday_

The day of the wedding dawned clear and cool. The sky was a clean blue, a few white clouds dotting the wide expanse. Hyuuga Hiashi had spared no expense in regards to his oldest daughter's marriage to the son of the Yondaime Hokage and, if rumor had it, the future Nanadaime Hokage. The Hyuuga complex's inner courtyard had been transformed. Flickering candles were set at specific intervals that released a sweet scent. A small waterfall gurgled cheerfully. The flowers were in full bloom, bursts of blue, purple, red, orange and yellow.

The chairs had been arranged for the best visibility while allowing free movement between them. While the ceremony itself would be small—the guests barely summed forty—the party afterward, in the main hall of the house, would be packed. Half of Konoha seemed to have been invited. The musicians were on time, the food was set out, and even Hiashi had cracked a ghost of a smile.

Unfortunately, the groom locked himself in the bathroom.

"I'm not going out!" Naruto yelled through the door.

"Come on, Naruto," Iruka wheedled. "There's ramen out here! Just open the door!"

"No!"

"Naruto, what's wrong?" Iruka changed tactics. "Are you nervous?"

Naruto muttered something lost against the wood.

"Everything will be fine, you'll see. Just open the door!"

"No!"

Kakashi poked his head into the room. "The ceremony is about to start."

"I know that!" Iruka cried. "Naruto's still not coming out!"

Kakashi strolled to the door and knocked on it. "Naruto, Hinata is expecting you. She trusts you to show up."

"...I know that," came the half-muffled answer.

"So why don't you open the door and come out here?"

An incoherent response.

"Naruto, open the door."

"No."

"Naruto..." Kakashi jiggled with the lock.

"I'm not coming out!"

"If you don't come out, you won't enjoy your honeymoon."

There was a long silence.

"Naruto?" Iruka knocked on the door. "You okay?"

"...Kinda."

"Then open the door and let me in. I can help."

The groom didn't answer.

"Naruto!"

"I'm not opening this door!"

"The ceremony's in five minutes!" Iruka held his face in his hands. "What are we going to do?"

"Go in, knock him out, bring him out by force?"

"Kakashi!"

"What's going on? Why isn't the idiot ready, yet?" Sasuke stepped into the room, dressed in a black formal kimono. A small Uchiha fan was embroidered on his back.

"He's locked himself in the bathroom," Kakashi said.

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke crossed the room and knocked on the door. "Oi, dobe, stop being a girl."

"That won't get him o—" Iruka began.

"Who you calling a girl, bastard?!" The door slammed open, a glaring Naruto framed in the doorway. His wedding kimono was slightly rumpled, but otherwise perfect.

"You're the one locking yourself in bathrooms." Sasuke turned his back on Naruto.

"Come back here and say that to my face!" Naruto ran after him. "Oi, you asshole! We're not fucking finished!"

"I think we are."

"Sasuke-bastard...!"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say those two are married," Kakashi deadpanned. Iruka shook his head.

"Let's hurry or _we're_ the ones who are going to be late."

They managed to collapse into their seats next to Sakura and Sasuke seconds before the ceremony began.

Naruto looked so different in his dark kimono, his hair brushed and shining a bright yellow. A small, happy smile curled his lips. Hinata was beautiful in the flowing white. Her dark hair was gathered away from her face. Whenever she looked at Naruto, her features seemed to come alive.

As the priest began the purification ritual, Iruka smiled. He clearly remembered the loud, boisterous boy and shy, awkward girl they had been. Naruto had defied all expectations; from class failure to one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha. Hinata had risen from the weak, oldest daughter to a proud and stunning Hyuuga heir. He could barely believe how far they had come. Naruto, especially...he remembered the lost child, suffering from lack of warm human contact. The child no one could see as more than a demon vessel. He had risen above and beyond.

A far-away look came over Kakashi's face as he looked over his sensei's son. Naruto had let his hair grow longer, some yellow spikes framing his face. He looked more and more like his father everyday. He had become everything Minato and Kushina had hoped for. He superimposed the image of a twelve-year-old Naruto over the man exchanging nuptial cups with his bride and chuckled. He'd been such an annoying brat, yelling "Hokage, Hokage, Hokage" everywhere he went. When he promised Minato that he would be Naruto's sensei, on a bright morning after Kushina had placed his hand around the curve of her stomach and he had felt the rolling of a tiny body under her skin, he never imagined Naruto would have been such a talkative, exasperating and utterly unpredictable boy. But he couldn't say he regretted it.

He accepted the sake Naruto handed him, taking a sip and passing it to Iruka. Hinata presented a cup to her father. While the cups passed around those present, Naruto grinned at them. Sakura wiped her eyes and even the corners of Sasuke's lips twitched upward.

"I don't think I'll ever see Naruto this happy again." Pride radiated from Iruka's tone.

"Want to bet?"

Iruka turned at Kakashi's question. The Copy-nin winked and turned to face Naruto and Hinata again. Iruka wondered about it as they stood to congratulate the newly married couple. Hinata half-hid her face against Naruto's shoulder. Her smile grew as Naruto lowered his head. He whispered something against her temple that made her flush in pleasure.

For the reception, Hiashi had truly outdone himself. A full-course meal capable of feeding a small battalion had been laid out. Red and white decorations were strung along the walls. Warm yellow light poured into the hall. A troupe of musicians played traditional music. Perfumes and laughter wafted through the air.

As Hokage, Kakashi introduced the bride and groom. He took particular pleasure describing Naruto's family background. When he finished, he grabbed Naruto's shoulder, keeping him close.

"What is it?" Naruto furrowed his brow. Beside him, Hinata paused. The guests were growing quiet, waiting for what would happen.

"I wanted to give you my gift personally." Kakashi smiled.

"Oh, you don't have to…" Naruto began, but Kakashi could see his eyes light up at the prospect of a present. In many ways, he was still that twelve-year-old boy declaring his love for ramen.

Kakashi's smile widened as he saw Naruto frown in confusion as Kakashi drew out an elegant silver kunai from his pocket. Twirling it once, the henge he had placed on it disappeared, revealing a large box, wrapped in bright red paper.

"Oh, wow." Naruto grabbed. "Huh, it's so light." He shook it, listening to the rustling sound inside. Kakashi chuckled and he wasn't the only one. Sakura was half-laughing and half-bemoaning Naruto's lack of manners. The blond promptly ripped into the box.

The paper he had wrenched away drifted slowly to the ground.

Kakashi watched his eyes widen into impossible pools of blue, his jaw dropping open. Glancing over his shoulder, Hinata gasped. Naruto lowered a shaking hand into the depths of the box and removed a wide scarlet hat. The kanji for "fire" was printed on its front.

"Kakashi-sensei, what…?" Naruto was staring at the Hokage's hat like he had never seen it before.

"I'm an old man." Kakashi shrugged. "And there is no one better suited than you."

When Naruto finally looked up, Kakashi saw his eyes were unnaturally shiny. He closed and opened his mouth, but no words came out. Kakashi took the hat from Naruto's hands and set it on his head. When he was pleased with the fit, he turned to the surprised guests and announced, "I've chosen my successor. Nanadaime Hokage is Uzumaki Naruto."

In the middle of the crowd, Kiba whooped. Lee cheered loudly and Ino began hollering for him. Their enthusiasm was infectious and, soon, everyone present was clapping and calling congratulations. Naruto still looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Hinata did both and hugged him tightly. Sakura ran up to them screaming, "You did it! You did it!" Sasuke shook his head.

"Shit," he said. When Naruto threw a punch at his face, Sasuke caught it and smirked. He let Naruto haul him forward and embrace him. Sai came forward next, saying something that made Naruto simultaneously laugh and take a swing at his head.

When Naruto saw Iruka, he promptly ran to him, hugging him tightly.

"You did it," Iruka whispered against the yellow strands. "And we're so proud of you." Naruto gave a watery laugh, tears splashing down his face even as his grin widened.

Tsunade and Shizune waited for their turn. The black-haired woman hugged Naruto tightly.

Tsunade ruffled his hair. "Jiraiya would be damned proud of you."

"Baa-chan..." Naruto trailed off. When he turned away to find Hinata, Iruka saw Tsunade hastily wipe away her tears.

The rest of the reception passed with few surprises. Halfway through, Naruto and Hinata's friends kidnapped them and whisked them away. Kakashi and Iruka joined Gai, Yamato and Anko.

"THAT WAS STUNNING, RIVAL!" Gai declared. "YOU are truly HIP and YOUTHFUL!"

"Okay, if you say the word 'youthful' one more time, I'm going to smack you," Anko warned.

"I can't believe you did that in front of everyone, senpai." Yamato shook his head. "For a moment, I thought Naruto was going to faint."

"He's made of sterner stuff." Kakashi grinned behind his mask. "And I did shut him up for a while."

While Yamato laughed, Iruka elbowed Kakashi.

"And besides," chuckled Kakashi," I think I just ensured his father-in-law's love."

The group turned to where Hiashi was talking with other clan heads. His smile was almost frightening in intensity. For him.

Anko shuddered. "That's…kind of disturbing."

*

The jounin darted his tongue across the teacher's lips, drinking in the light flavor. Iruka shuddered under his touch. Kakashi rubbed an enticing pattern on his back as he suckled on the other's lower lip. He had pressed Iruka against the wall of one of the rooms in the Hyuuga complex and was exploring the teacher's mouth as if it were his private property.

Iruka's mind was spluttering. A voice was screaming at him that they really shouldn't be doing this where they could be caught. Much less should they be doing this where they could be caught by _Hyuuga Hiashi_. But Kakashi just _had_ to be a damn good kisser.

He felt Kakashi begin to undo his shirt and Iruka turned his head to the side, breaking the kiss. A voice that sounded oddly like Anko was screaming at him that he was an idiot, but this could not go any farther.

"Kakashi…" he began and paused when he realized he had no idea how to proceed after that.

"Iruka…" Kakashi's breath was hot against his ear. Iruka involuntarily shivered. He felt Kakashi press damp points against his hot skin with this tongue, before tracing the edge of his ear.

Okay, maybe it could go a _little_ farther.

Pale hands slid across darker skin, pushing the soft cloth covering it aside. He playfully pinched the other's nipples and Iruka bucked against him. Kakashi smirked into his skin and Iruka bit him in response, a move Kakashi apparently liked if the growl and renewed vigor in his attack were to be believed.

When his clothed erection rubbed Kakashi's, Iruka could not help moaning into the other's mouth.

Again, Iruka heard that voice that sounded like Anko begin cheering in his head as Kakashi's hand rubbed the hard bulge straining against Iruka's pants. His mind was wonderfully blank, his entire skin felt oversensitive, everything felt so painfully _good_…

And then the door opened.

When he felt light on his face, Iruka cracked one eye open and promptly shoved Kakashi away.

Neji had one hand on the doorknob. The other held a glass. He blinked at the sight that greeted him. Disgust warred with his normally aloof look.

Just as suddenly as he opened the door, he closed it on the now-silent couple.

"Ah, Neji!" Lee pranced up to him. "Gai-sensei sent me out to look for Kakashi-sama! Have you seen him?"

Neji mutely pointed at the door behind him.

"Yosh! Thank you!" Lee dove for the door.

When Neji heard Lee's muted shriek, he smirked.

If he had to have nightmares for a week, he'd make sure he had company.


End file.
